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Child, please.
- Andre

Dr. Andre Nowzick is a bald, rich plastic surgeon, a two time Shiva Bowl winner, and a one time Sacko Bowl loser. He is constantly made fun of by the rest of the league for things such as his clothes and his attempt at using current slang, such as "child please". He is portrayed by Paul Scheer.


Andre joined the league in 2007, and is the brunt of many jokes. He is an easy target, as he is balding, awkward, and has terrible style. In season one he hosted the draft at his new loft in Chicago. He is known to always make at least one mistake, such as drafting a commentator, or someone who's retired. During the season, Andre begins dating Shiva, who the Shiva Bowl is named after, and vows to win it. He ends up winning, beating Pete in the finals. In the first episode of season two, Andre renames the trophy "the Dre", while the rest rename it the "SheDre". His renaming of the trophy and "worship of a false god" leads Andre to the worst season in the league history, with him losing to Taco in the Sacko Bowl. This leads to him being punished, with his final punishment being him banished from the next years draft.

Andre Nowzick & the Kluneburg.jpg

While Andre is out of his loft, Rafi and Dirty Randy shoot a porno loosely based on his life there. His friends don't tell him for weeks, but he finds out at Ruxin's sukkah, when Ellie accidentally plays it on a huge screen, when she meant to put in some music. Andre has a sister, who has slept with everyone in the League except Jenny, Ruxin, and Andre himself, and is on the prowl. 


  • "Try the veal, child!"

Personality & Traits

Skills & Abilities



  • Andre & Heather - Heather is Andre's sister and her sexual experience with the other members of the group causes great embarrassment to him. 
  • Andre & his Parents (Gloria and Burt) - Andre's parents feature in one episode. They appear to have worried their son was abnormal and laughed at the lies he was convinced were true by the group. They also think his friends aren't very bright. 

Friends & Enemies

  • Andre & The League Members:
    • ​Pete: 
    • Kevin: 
    • Jenny: 
    • Ruxin: 
    • Taco:
  • ​Andre & 'The Seed' - A relationship running back to High School, although 'The Seed' doesn't appear on the reunion episode (explained in Tailgate as due to him being in prison). Andre mentions his nemesis to Ruxin when asking for help, who suggests taking legal proceedings against him. They meet face to face when the group go tailgating and Kevin, after eating a raw burger, "seeded 'The Seed'", by throwing up over him whilst playing touch football.


  • Andre & Trixie Von Stein - Originally Andre's interior decorator, they became engaged to be married and dreamt of three girls; Tina, Tammy & Toni (with an "I"), until Andre's 'widow making death jizz' turns out to cause a severe allergic reaction to Trixie. They still continue with the wedding plans until the LA wedding getaway was secretly turned into an LA draft getaway and Andre is caught masturbating into tissue that Trixie then blinds herself with. Trixie appears again as a restaurant reviewer, and is utterly disgusted by the sound of Andre's new business partner, Russell, having sex with the Gruyere.
  • Andre & Meegan - Andre dates Pete's ex-wife Meegan. The date they start dating is unsure as they were dating "months" before Pete found out because no-one wanted to break the news to him. Meegan and Andre mutually break up after Jenny plays them against each other to secure her match up against Andre (The Beer Mile). 

Physical Appearance

  • His style is often mocked by his friends, who refer to him as various things such as 'Nosferatu'. In one episode, Andre defends his dress sense by explaining his outfit was also worn by Vin Diesel in the film XXX.



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