Taco, a perpetually stoned and unemployed musician, doesn't care or know much about football, evident by his attempts to draft Canadian football players during the draft. He won the League Championship in 2006, evident by his handwritten name on the trophy. He hooks up with women easily, and lives via handouts from his brother Kevin and "Eskimo family tree ", making his own food (thousand year old eggs) and personal hygiene products (musk-scent deodorant bars). He also makes ringtones, which leads him to record Andre getting impaled on The Dre and turn it into a song with Chad Johnson (Ochocinco). For one episode, Taco takes martial arts owning a naginata (a long pole with a blade at the end, and called a naginta in the series) and studies of naginatajutsu. He usually means well but his acts of kindness usually have disastrous results. In the unrated version of Season One, Ruxin claimed that the reason Taco is such a "frittata" is because they made him smoke marijuana when he was 8. Between Seasons Two and Three, Taco travels around the world and becomes an international soap opera star in the North African country of Algeria where he plays a ‘stupid American’ on "Sands of passion". Taco enjoys keeping 'guest bongs' in all of his friends houses for him to use.
(to Jenny) "Security question number one: what color panties are you wearing right now?"
"I like kickers. They're the toughest!"
"To the cloud!"
Personality & Traits
Taco enjoys a simple way of life, which involves sourcing furniture and other things from bins, amongst other things.
Throughout the League he shows few signs of intelligence, mostly due to him constantly being stoned, or in "the cloud" However, in one episode of not smoking weed, his deductions are logical and turn out to be correct, implying his intelligence is merely impaired by his habit. He scores the same as Kevin on the Wonderlic test (last place).
Taco founded TacoCorp in the show to facilitate his some-what crazy ideas about business. This lead him to become very rich twice in the show (mostly by fluke) and the creation of inventions, 'The Pee Bib' and 'The Brown Note'.
He found fame on his travels by becoming a "cautionary tale" on Algerian Soap Opera/TV Show, Sands of Passion, he played a character named 'Stupid American'. According to Taco, two endings were shot. His experience in the "Eastern Market" leads to him being involved with Dirty Randy & Rafi's porn shoot in Andre's apartment, called An Orgy at Andre's in the draft episode of Season 3 , The Lockout.
Taco & Kevin - Taco rarely takes Kevin seriously and often sees himself as the more successful of the two brothers. He does, however, try to show his love for him with 'Taco-style' displays of affection, such as presenting him with an ice sculpture of Kevin, which ends up being eerily accurate in the crotch, made only more noticeable by the fact only half survived the night.
Taco & Jenny - Taco is open about his confusion for why his brother married Jenny, including agreeing with Ruxin's description of the MacArthur relationship in front of both Jenny & Kevin.
Taco & Martha - Taco and Martha seem to have a loving relationship. She dotes on him in the episode The Breastalyzer, believes him to be an independent, successful and high-functioning adult. Taco also sells weed to his mother, and probably smokes it with her too.
Taco & the League Members - Taco participates in the general banter of the league's group, he rarely meets up with league members individually, unless he wants something from them.
Taco & Rafi - Taco voices his dislike of Rafi on many occasions, but never in front of him. This is probably out of logical fear.
Taco & George - Taco managed to accidentally get into a relationship with one girl. After she moved in and they started having sex, the other league members needed to explain he did, in fact, have a girlfriend. The relationship did not last past this episode
Taco has many sexual partners throughout the show. His life is mostly orientated around his sex life, which he has little difficulty in keeping busy. He does, however, realise that unless he is smoking weed, he has none of the charismatic charm he usually relies upon.
Known to wear a Mr. McGibblets costume.
Often gets into martial arts, albeit poorly.
Was taught sex from Andre's sister Heather at ages 11 to 12.
• ALL • • Gumpa Duke • Gumma Eve • Wesley • Dr. Henry Rocha • Crazy Tiffany •
NFL & Celebrity Appearances
• ALL • • Chad Johnson (Ochocinco) • Jay Cutler • Kristin Cavallari • Marshawn Lynch • Tommy Condon • Ryan Shazier • Blair Walsh • J J Watt • Jim McMahon • Antonio Gates • Adrian Peterson • Dieon Sanders • Vernon Davis • Greg Jennings • Darren Sproles • Randall Cobb • Golden Tate • Ryan Fitzpatrick • Robert Griffin III • Matthew Berry • Brent Grimes • Jordan Cameron • Cameron Jordan • Mark Cuban • Matt Forte • Josh Cribbs • Adam Caplan • Maurice Jones-Drew • Matt Kalil • Tyrann Mathieu • Terry Bradshaw • Terrell Suggs • Sidney Rice • Ryan Kalil • Calais Campbell • Chad Johnson (Ochocinco) • Jerry Jones • Tom Condon • Doug Hendrickson • Carlos Hyde • Jason Witten • Gerald McCoy • Mike Evans • Taylor Lewan • Mike Pereira • NaVorro Bowman • Felix Jones • Rich Eisen • Snoop Dogg •